Not A Good Day

It was not a good weigh in today. I wasn't surprised. It had been a bad week. But the scale moving upward, started my day off wrong.

Then I had a women using my driveway to sneak into her own. Now I don't usually care if she does this, but I was in a bad mood and the fact that I had to get out of my car only to have her tell me to get out of her way, well, lets just say it made me even more upset.

I was nearly ready to cry when I reached the hair salon. Sitting in front of that mirror left no doubt in my mind that I've lost total control of my weight.

So there I was waiting for my roots to process, looking at myself and my facial scars and the double chin that seemed to come from no where, and that was it. I cried.

I came home telling myself that I needed to get a hold of myself. If I don't like the way my body looks than darn it all, lose the weight!

I was trying to plan a few things when my husband said he was going skiing and wanted me to go with him. I sort of looked at him as if he was insane.

I have been so sick with, what we think is Lyme Disease, and I am so weak and ill prepared for cold temperatures and coughing kids.

I wonder at times if he even lives with me? Maybe that's not fair, but to be very honest, I have never been so sick in all my life.

Okay, I'm getting a grip and this week will work on journaling everything I put in my mouth. I hope by this time next week, I will have a better result to report from my weigh in.

I'm Back

It's been over a year since I posted anything on this blog, but I decided to start again as a way of coming to terms with my addiction to food.

Last year when I stopped writing, it was because I found out I had skin cancer on my nose. It turned out to be quite serious, and after 10 months of surgeries, I look amazingly better, but sadly, my face will never really be what it was before.

During the last year, I felt like Frankenstein's Bride, and so what did it make if I ate what I wanted and got FAT?

I hated how my face looked and over the course of the year my body morphed from a size 10/12 to a size 18! When I looked in the mirror, I hated myself completely.

Then I got a call from a friend who reminded me that no one had given up on me. She was loving, gentle, and encouraging. I started to believe that if I just took hold of myself, I could do it again!

The hardest part was going back to class. My first meeting when I returned I showed up really early. I'd packed a nice breakfast, to eat after I weighed in. Tami was there. She has been with we through thick and thin. She weighed me in and I weighed more than I ever had.

But I was back! I didn't fall apart, and the world didn't end because I had gained all my weight back plus a few extras.

I have nearly 60 pounds to lose now to get back to my goal weight. And I am determined to do it.

I've weighed, measured and planned each meal and snack. I have filled my water bottle over and over and over again.

I refuse to give up on myself. Ever.