Working The Plan

Last week was a bad week. I actually cried on my way home from class. So, starting on Wednesday, I have written down everything I have put in my mouth. It's been hard because sometimes I stand in the kitchen like a lost soul, wanting to eat anything. Bread, cookies, chocolate, the counter top!

When I find myself doing this, I have popped popcorn, eaten apples, oranges and bananas, and made myself herbal teas.

I feel I have done well. I'm looking forward to class on Wednesday to see how I have done. I sure hope that what I have done has worked!

Not A Good Day

It was not a good weigh in today. I wasn't surprised. It had been a bad week. But the scale moving upward, started my day off wrong.

Then I had a women using my driveway to sneak into her own. Now I don't usually care if she does this, but I was in a bad mood and the fact that I had to get out of my car only to have her tell me to get out of her way, well, lets just say it made me even more upset.

I was nearly ready to cry when I reached the hair salon. Sitting in front of that mirror left no doubt in my mind that I've lost total control of my weight.

So there I was waiting for my roots to process, looking at myself and my facial scars and the double chin that seemed to come from no where, and that was it. I cried.

I came home telling myself that I needed to get a hold of myself. If I don't like the way my body looks than darn it all, lose the weight!

I was trying to plan a few things when my husband said he was going skiing and wanted me to go with him. I sort of looked at him as if he was insane.

I have been so sick with, what we think is Lyme Disease, and I am so weak and ill prepared for cold temperatures and coughing kids.

I wonder at times if he even lives with me? Maybe that's not fair, but to be very honest, I have never been so sick in all my life.

Okay, I'm getting a grip and this week will work on journaling everything I put in my mouth. I hope by this time next week, I will have a better result to report from my weigh in.

I'm Back

It's been over a year since I posted anything on this blog, but I decided to start again as a way of coming to terms with my addiction to food.

Last year when I stopped writing, it was because I found out I had skin cancer on my nose. It turned out to be quite serious, and after 10 months of surgeries, I look amazingly better, but sadly, my face will never really be what it was before.

During the last year, I felt like Frankenstein's Bride, and so what did it make if I ate what I wanted and got FAT?

I hated how my face looked and over the course of the year my body morphed from a size 10/12 to a size 18! When I looked in the mirror, I hated myself completely.

Then I got a call from a friend who reminded me that no one had given up on me. She was loving, gentle, and encouraging. I started to believe that if I just took hold of myself, I could do it again!

The hardest part was going back to class. My first meeting when I returned I showed up really early. I'd packed a nice breakfast, to eat after I weighed in. Tami was there. She has been with we through thick and thin. She weighed me in and I weighed more than I ever had.

But I was back! I didn't fall apart, and the world didn't end because I had gained all my weight back plus a few extras.

I have nearly 60 pounds to lose now to get back to my goal weight. And I am determined to do it.

I've weighed, measured and planned each meal and snack. I have filled my water bottle over and over and over again.

I refuse to give up on myself. Ever.

Trying To Find My WAy

I've been going no where fast lately with WW. Who can I blame? Just myself. My attitude has been that of a loser. I need to step back and reboot my brain.

After class today, I stopped and bought some fresh vegetables and fruit. And when I got home, I made a wonderful salad for lunch.

We all were chatting before the meeting and I decided to give up bread for Lent. So that is what I will do. Perhaps this will help me to jump start myself back on track!

Jump Starting The New Year

I don't think people who are 'naturally thin' realize how difficult it really is to diet. I have a sister, who I swear cannot possibly be related to me, as she weighs like two pounds. She doesn't eat like crazy, in fact she is so over the top careful, that she is happy eating 5 M&M's, while I want the whole pounder bag.

I know we're told to eat and drink what we want within our point rang, but sometimes I feel like I just want to break out and go nuts!

I've been working so long to lose the weight and keep it off. I don't understand why, if you work so hard to get the pounds off, they just don't stay there?

Tonight I'm cooking a shrimp stir fry for our dinner. Trust me. Usually it's not this interesting. Tomorrow is chicken. I'm allowing myself 1 beef meal a week. 

I'm trying to start the New Year by jump starting my diet. How are you doing?

Planning

I woke up this morning and while sipping my first coffee of the day, sat down to plan my day...food-wise. I knew I wanted a poached egg and English muffin for breakfast, planned a lettuce wedge salad for my lunch, and then asked Hubby what he wanted for dinner.

He looked at me oddly, and asked for the choices again. I gave him the deal. It's either steak, baked potatoes and squash or chicken "wings", oven fries, and fresh carrot sticks. Surprisingly, he chose the wings. I wrote everything down, and I still have 1 point left at the end of the day.

I'm hoping that I will have a good loss this week at class. I've tried hard, but it's quite difficult when you are out and stop to have lunch or dinner.

For instance, yesterday we went for Chinese food. I tried to make good choices, but it was hard. I had some seafood, Chinese vegetables, and did not have one of the breaded and fried foods that I used to love.

The diet Gods got me back for this indiscretion by giving me food poisoning! Man, was I sick! However, if they are really going to get me, then I will also gain this week at Wednesdays class.

Oh well, I will plan each day over the weekend and see what I can do to turn this around.

Happy New Year Everyone!!!

Salmon & Asparagus

I got a good slap across the face on Friday. I'd given a (what I thought was) nice gift to someone I love. It was the new Weight Watcher salad bowl, and I filled it with jewelry. 

Well, the person I gave it to saw it as a gift that said I thought she was fat!

Then I said that was not the case. Then I said, let's wait until the after Christmas sales to get our gifts for each other. She took that to mean, we should wait until she loses weight before we get her some new clothes.

When I step in it...I step in it deep!

I tried explaining, over and over again, but I don't think I got too far. I was feeling like a total dweeb.

It was then we went to lunch. Great! I was upset, and I was walking into the most fabulous restaurant around.

I sat down, looked at the menu and ordered. 

Broiled salmon, and steamed asparagus! Coffee and water!

I did not break my promise to myself. This is the first time I walked into a restaurant and ordered a meal that wasn't on the "Last Meals" list.

Even though I was upset and wanted to overeat, I didn't. Score one for me!